Monday, December 12, 2011

Magazines' Overdose

JFK Airport. Friday night.

I have one hour to kill before boarding. I go to the newsstand to buy some magazines. A 5 hours flight can be quite long, so I’d better have something to do.

Let’s see what we have here ?

« Kim’s revenge », « Kourtney alone », « Khloe starts In Vitro », « Blast Fat Fast », « Fight fat », etc., etc., etc.

Humm. Not really exciting, especially after a quick review of the content (mainly commercials).

Given the apparent wide-range of choice, I was expecting to find something to suit my taste (at least for 5 hours). I am disappointed.

This is not the first time. I already experienced this feeling of saturation few weeks ago... at JKF. A coincidence? No.

The diagnosis is pretty simple. I am suffering from a M.O.: a magazines’ overdose.

The causes?

The covers make it obvious.  I am just sick of all these papers that, besides being pretty much all the same, repeat themselves every year, invariably, along with the seasons.

Summer: «Look great in your bikini!»

Fall: «Keep your summer glow!»

Winter: «Avoid gaining pounds!»

Spring: «Get rid of your winter extra pounds!»

Not to mention the commercials.  Omnipresent.

I am curious. While at the newsstand, I pick randomly a 300 pages magazine and engage into the fastidious counting of the number of commercials.

The verdict? At least 160 pages of commercials and about 100 of indirect ads (« Jane Doe is wearing XY shoes. Price: lots of $»).

How many articles? Not that much.

I should have taken the September issue of The Gentlewoman and The Purple Magazine! I swear I am not paid to say that but I really like these two mags not only because of the edge of the articles but also because even the commercials are cool and aesthetic.  You learn while you dream.  Isn’t it the reason why we buy magazines?

Judging by the front pages, I am afraid that the answer is no. 

Apparently, now we buy magazines:

1°) To get rid of 10lbs. In three days…

2°) To know everything about the new science miracle that will help us get rid of our first wrinkle.

3°) To master the 10 best sex positions; and (last but not least).

4°) To become the Queen of the BJs.

My brain just says «STOP !!!!!!!» because guess what:

1°) Ladies, if we want to loose lbs, there is no miracle solution! We have to eat healthy and exercise (and I really hate to say that).

2°) Although I would love to think that we can stop time, unfortunately we cannot fight against the natural process of ageing (of course, you can use Botox, but I do not recommend this option unless your dream is to look like Amanda LePore or the Beverly Hills housewives).

3°) I know nobody who reached an orgasm with one leg around her/his boyfriend’s neck and her/his butt on a frozen sink (maybe because 99% of us are not contortionists).

4°) Ask any man. A good blow job is no science. Any dude would say: «Don’ t bite, open your mouth, blow and swallow.» Love is a plus (of course).

Now I am starting to sweat because I have a feeling (oooh oooh) that the flight is not going to be a good flight.

Time is out.  A voice is calling on the microphone.

I have got to board.

Alda Mori

(Non Exhaustive) Bibliography:

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